This post is part of a series on Vulnerability.  If you are new here you may want to start with this post.  

Does the idea of sharing your deepest fears and darkest secrets–or even your personality quirks–make you want to throw up?

Do you believe (or worry) the people you love are more interested in what you do for them than for who you are?

Are you afraid if you quit earning your keep, even for a moment, you’ll be “voted off the island?”

Defining Shame

All of these feelings come from the same place:  a deep seeded fear that at our core we are unlovable–and that if anyone finds out, we will be cast out.  Brené Brown explains it best.

Because shame works by making us feel alone,  it’s very hard to talk about it–even to the people who love us most– for fear that if they knew what we were really like they would leave.  Ironically, it is that very act of secrecy that allows shame to maintain its hold on us.

Therefore, talking about shame experiences as soon as they happen with a trusted friend is healthy, beneficial and much easier said than done. Continue reading →